Saturday, July 5, 2008

Should you force 'em?

Dealing with an absent parent

I was cruising through a "mom" site this morning and came across this post about mother that had an absent parent, sperm donor if you wish, and how she was contacting his parents about being involved in her daughters life. It got me thinking about my own situation with the oldest. His sperm donor hasn't been a part of his life since I told him I was pregnant 18 years ago now. So should you contact the grandparents? Here's how I look at it.

Like I said, sperm donor walked away the day I told him I was pregnant. I was 17, he was 19 and neither one of us should of been raising a child together. So it was either we stay together and I end up in jail, or I deal with the fact that he was going to walk away and never look back. I chose the ladder. I had a wonderful support system with my family and friends therefore knowing that I could make it. Times did cross my mind about contacting his mother but then I thought to myself, why? She knew I was pregnant, she knew that he could find me, so why should I bother forcing a relationship with her first grandchild? It wasn't worth all the pain (emotionally) that I would have put myself through.

Why should you force a relationship with the grandparents if they don't want one? Why put yourself through all that. My oldest has grown up to know how his sperm donor feels. I have never talked ill about him, never said what has really been on my mind about it, and I've always been nice when he's asked about him. He recently got the opportunity to meet him face to face. 15 minutes...that was it. That was a year and a half ago and SD never looked back once again. Every ounce of energy in my body wanted to call him and become George Carlin in every word that I knew, but the more I thought about it, the better off I knew we were and are without him.

So just reading this mom's post, don't force it. Like so many other things in life, you can't change someone. You can't change how they feel. And you definitely are going to make them have a relationship that they don't want to have.

3 have this to say:

Gretchen said...

I wouldn't bother contacting them either. It is their loss and the sperm donor's loss to not have a wonderful person in their lives.

Mommy Meryl said...

what a great post. . .I think if you have to beg someone to have a relationship with a child then something is a little off... you keep doing the great things you are doing!

theleavesoftarkong said...

hi, lisa... i agree with that.. you can't force anything or anybody if she/he doesnt want what you want... my boyfriend left me 6 months after our son was born. just ike that. as i keep on saying, not even a goodbye. but you live and you learn... hehe