*tap* *tap* *tap*

This thing on? Do I need to blow the dust off because there's a few cobwebs in here.

*smacks hand*
Yeah, I know. It's been a while. Hell, I didn't even do Weekly Winners yesterday and I had lots of shots to choose from last week.

Death found me and I started feeling sick Thursday night but still went to Gasparilla on Saturday and then He knocked and kicked my ass yesterday. I didn't move all day. Today is a bit better but Sutafed has been my assistance to existence the last two days.

But what better way to come back then an episode of What Not to Wear! I mean come on...this is the best.

So this is where we'll start.



Okay so the dress isn't really all that bad but you can't see the cowboy boots she has on her feet and the blinking tiara that she has. The dress flowed great on the dance floor....trust me.

Moving on.



Full body camo with pink Crocs? Effin' seriously? Did you not look in the mirror before you left? Granted it's been cold in FL the last couple of days but gdamn, you aren't going hunting, you're going to a frigging country bar.



Welcome to Pleasantville....nothing more to say.

Of course I saved the best for last. If you don't like needles or anything like that...please don't look. If your eyes bleed, this is my disclaimer that I warned you.



Yep...that's 6. Count them. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six piercings down her back! WTF would you do this to yourself? Is there some stimulation that I'm not finding on Google that makes sex better because I'm thinking that laying on my back would hurt like hell.

So there it is folks. Bringing you back to the reality of what not to wear.

Stay tuned....

It's my "birth day" too

Wow! It's been 18 years. Something that is so hard to believe. I sit here and try to think of where all the time has gone. Why has it moved to fast?

January 29, 1991 at 4:36am you entered this world.



I was as old as you are turning today. Growing up for me wasn't an option anymore. I had you to take care of. You brought so much joy to my life, that you will probably never realize. Between the colic, the bumps, bruises, stitches and surgeries you have always been my baby boy.



You started growing up so fast. Before I knew it, you were starting kindergarten, telling me how you really felt and becoming my little man.

We've been through so much together, somethings that parents probably shouldn't go through with their children and through it all you've been right by my side.



You've grown up so much. To think that this year my baby will be an adult, graduate and go to college all in one year is something that I thought would never happen to me. You aren't supposed to grow up. You are supposed to always need your mommy but I couldn't be more proud of you right now.

You've shown so much strength over the years and have become such a wonderful young man. I admire you for your sensitivity and courage.

I can only hope that with this birthday you will understand the joy and happiness that you have brought to my life. Eighteen years ago I made the choice that would change my life forever.

I wouldn't give it up for the world.



Happy 18th Birthday Matt!
I love you!

Eh....I've been called worse

So in the last 2 days I've been called a few choice words.

Selfish.

A bitch.

Inconsiderate.

Among others.

All of this...from my teen's girlfriend. Why? Because I would like to spend his 18th birthday with him. I know, how fucking inconsiderate of me, right? How dare me make plans for his birthday, on his birthday, with the child that I gave birth to 18 years ago.

This all stemmed from me making plans on his birthday. He works evenings, nights, so he requested next Thursday off so we could do something. The girlfriend made plans with all of his friends at a different place.

But hold up! I have talked to her about this and what I had planned on doing. I even talked to her this past Tuesday morning and all was fine. Told her that I didn't want him taking to many nights off work since he only works 20 hours or so a week to begin with. She agreed and said she'd talk to all his friends and make sure everyone was there.

Tuesday night. 10:15 I get a text. 'Sorry, we've made plans for this other place so that's what we're doing.'

Ummm yeah thanks. That was my response.

So as it stands, I'm not spending the evening with my son. The one that I carried for 9 months, went through 9 hours of labor with, that I brought into this world...the one that I've raised for the last 18 years.

Yeah....happy birthday.

Yeah, thanks.

**Ahem** Few things on the agenda

Ugh! First off it's Monday and that so sucks. The only thing good about it is that the Teen is at school and so is the Toddler. Why you ask? Because at 6:15 this morning, the Toddler decided to do a total throw down because I took away a chocolate milk from last night.

Should of let him drink it.


I have a few things I want to share with you today. Holly over at Anglophile Football Fanatic dubbed Mondays, Mimosa Monday's from here on out. This all gives us a chance to make sure we recoup from the weekends. You know, the having to deal with the kids, husbands and not sit on our asses all day and eat bon-bons (like they think we do). This way when the husband comes home and he asks what you accomplished today, you can kindly tell him that you finished off a whole bottle of OJ and champagne all by yourself.

What better thing to be proud of? If you want to join us in this wonderful Monday tradition that we are starting, you can grab the button below and put it on your blog. Pretty cool huh?




Blogger sucks at letting you leave code so you know the drill...take out the *'s, replace with <>


*a href="http://www.MAKE-SURE-YOU-PUT-YOUR-URL-HERE.com">*img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3363/3190788017_bd4e1e4bef_o.jpg" width="150" height="150" alt="Mimosa Monday" />*/a>



Moving right along.

We finally got the desktop back, lost a lot of pictures thought but at least we have two computers back now. The Teen can get the hell off my laptop and let me have it back. I really hate to share. But along with that, I'm going through my reader this morning and headed over to Avitable's blog. Let me just give you a little warning. If you have never been there before, he tells you to the point. It is not for the light-hearted. If you don't like curse words, then my suggestion is that you just don't link. If you do, I warned you.

Today's post is about FreeCycle. It's a hoot. Go read.....like NOW! But of course, after you finish here.


And last but not least. A good friend of mine finally came out with his CD this past month. I have been following him like a good stalker would and patiently waiting. For 5 years now I've heard from him that it's coming, it's coming. That's like drunken sex, really.

Then it happened. I get a MySpace bulletin that says it's been launched. OMG I was so excited. Friday night my parents and I went to go see him at a local restaurant and he had it there for me. His CD. He's great. He does a little acoustic, little band style, and he's got a voice that will knock your socks off. Well at least mine came off.

You can hear a little bit of his music on his MySpace, Brian Caudill. Then for a measly $13 you can buy his CD.


I think that's all folks.
Happy Monday...now drink up!

Can I get that "H" on a silver spoon please?

The other day I had this brilliant idea that I was going to do this post of what the hell people were thinking when they dressed themselves. To me, it was actually quite entertaining because I am the Fashion Goddess you know. What people? Screw you, I can dream.

Well now you can just call me a big ole hypocrite. I mean with a capital H.

I get this bug up my ass yesterday that I was going to clean out my closet. Actually it was more like a "tax return is coming so I gotta make more room for shit that I'm only going to wear once." I pulled out boxes and got serious.

Opal laughed. Actually I think it was more like a BWHAHAHA, LMFAO and a few others. Bitch.

So as I'm going through my the numerous hangers that I've pulled from the depths of my dungeon. I see it. The shirt, or lack there of. And the wheels start turning. The OMG's and the WTF's. For what you ask? For this.

Now you see where I'm going with this "WTF was I thinking?" Let's access this shall we? The crochet look? WTF was I thinking? The small patch of knitting that actually covers my child-sagging boobs....WTF? The open back with the little tie....OMFG how cute *puke*

Now in my defense, I believe this has been hanging in my closet for at least 7 years. So I think back 7 years and was my body any where near fit to wear something of this less? Hell no.

So there you have it. H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E at it's finest.

Oh but look at all the hangers that I have to fill now.

Now to redeem myself, I need to go take pictures of someone wearing something worse than this.

You're leaving the house wearing that?

Lately I've been really bad about judging people and what they are wearing. I know, shuddup. I should be nice and think to myself that they just dont' have that fashion sense that I do (lmao!) but seriously...let's take a look here.

Disclaimer first though. If anyone one of you reading this would wear something like this...sorry.







1. I couldn't get the lighting right on this one in order for you to see the beautiful colors that were in this shirt.

I'm not sure if the large green and brown flowers (I think) are supposed to enhance the curves of your body or not...but they were enhanced.













2. Ruffles. 'nuff said.

















3. Butterflies on your ass. There are some places that patches should not be and I believe this is one of them.

I think this is another 'nuff said.

Sad thing on this...she wore the same pants the next night.












4. She wouldn't stop moving so I could get just the perfect shot on this dress.

I haven't decided what's worse on this one though...help me maybe? The dress, the shoes or the dress with the shoes?










So I think I had too much fun with this so I just might have to do it again next week. Stay tuned.

and the year came to an end

Good bye 2008.....hello 2009.

This was going to be one of those "resolution" posts where I sit and tell you about all the resolutions that I'm making and not going to keep. Bah, resolutions suck anyways.

I will make one resolution though, not to do any more of these 4am bathroom shots anymore. Hey, at least I made it home =)

Yep...once again, it's all my fault

The week before Christmas, I decided that I was going to send my biological father a Christmas card. Still not sure why I did this, or even wanted to do it, but I did.

Well low and behold, I got a response. Sitting there yesterday reading this typed letter from my father, made me realize why I don't talk to him anymore.

Egotistical...that's it. One word.

The first paragraph goes on to say that he hasn't heard from me since my wedding to the soon to be ex-husband. He hasn't heard from me? Granted, my number has changed but my parents have lived in the same house for 18 years. I think if he really wanted to find me, he could of and would of.

This is the best though. He asked who J was. HA! If he would of looked at that picture hard enough, he could of seen who he was.

I mean really? Look at those boys...how could be not see who he was.

There was so much more to the letter that made me realize that there isn't a reason to talk to him. He's always been consumed in the wife's family that he doesn't realize that he has a daughter here. I'm sorry I didn't go on to a state college, or working at a huge liquor company in the promotions department or at a huge investment company doing very well. I've been busting my ass raising a child and then another child that you will never know.

What burns me even more about the whole thing, is not once in that letter did he ask how the Teen was. Didn't wish him a Merry Christmas, a 'when is he graduating', nothing.

Not that he'll read this but to answer your question Dad, Jacob is your second grandson that you'll probably never meet. Save that card Dad because it's the last one you'll ever get.

Yes, I'm here to gloat

My teen is amazing. You better read this now because lately it's been few and far between.

Last week I was contact by a lady at the Clearwater Harbor magazine. It's a local magazine, about 6-7000 in circulation. She saw one of the teen's pictures from Clearwater Harbor and wanted to know if he had anything without a car in it. Within 2 days, Matt did.

I sent her about 20 pictures on Flickr and they narrowed it down to 3. I got this email today:

Lisa, can we get your permission to use #45? I will forward it to my graphic designer so she can insert it into our front cover. Just want to mention that I've written to the mayor to see if we can get him or another notable person on the front cover. If that doesn't work out, we'll put your photo on the front cover.

If we do get a person for the front cover, I will still include your short on a full page editorial we are going to write about pertaining to the new marina's that will overlook the harbor and bridge (relative to your shot!).

Please let me know how you would like to be credited. Also - include a photo of you so we can include it.

Thanks very much, I look forward to meeting you!

Sincerely,

Juli Halifax

OMG!!! I'm so excited for him. This is now the second one he's gotten published. This is the picture they ended up choosing



So here's to hoping the mayor is a real jerk and doens't want to be on the cover. If you wanna head over to Matt and tell him how happy you are, you can find him here

So I guess I'll be the better person...blah

A few weeks ago I was reading Mr. Lady's post about her dad. Everything I read made me think of the relationship that I have had with my sperm donor. Blah, blah don't be so harsh, you're thinking? Bull shit. Listen, I know I wasn't the perfect child, but he sure as hell didn't stick around to find out that I made my mother's life a living hell perfect.

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Good, I need a good road trip.

Dad moved to Thailand when I was about 12. Parents had already been divorced 10+ years and he married the wicked witch of Ohio. Dad was contracted over there so would only be there for 4-5 years. He came back, joy. When he came back, he went to Chicago, got an apartment until they could find a house. Four months he lived in that apartment. Then the day came that I found out I was pregnant. I called him. Do do do <~that would be that wonderful tone you hear when a number has been disconnected. Yeah, that one. He moved, changed number and didn't bother to tell his only daughter.

So moving on. I found him through yellow pages, calling the office and playing phone tag. Told him the wonderful news that he was going to be a grandparent. I know, not something that a 40 y/o wants to hear but hey, mom and step dad were dealing with it just fine. The words that came out of that man's mouth will stick in my head forever. "How am I going to tell my friends that my 17 y/o daughter is pregnant?" Father of the Year right there folks. Remind me to get the plaque done.

Let's not get a speeding ticket down this road and fast forward to '05. Wedding bells were in the air, we were trying to accommodate everyone, school schedules, vacations, etc. January, I call my dad to tell him that Ben and I were getting married and we had finally picked a date. When? March 5, we're going to do it on the boat blah blah blah. Then the words that were said were the last ones my dad said to me. "Sorry we can't come. We're going to Palm Springs the week before and can't take that much time off." Yep Dad, great. Nice to know. Bastard.

Here I was addressing Christmas cards and decided to pull up good ole' Dad. Sure enough, found the address. I sat, thinking, should I do it? Mind you he doesn't know about the toddler. Has no clue that he exists. Probably isn't even in his mind that his oldest grandson better will graduate in June.

So I did it. Christmas card went out in the mail with all the pictures on it. The family picture for this year. One of the boys, one of me and the toddler and one of the teen.

So now I sit on pins and needles. I think. Waiting. This outta be good.

So where do you draw the line?

I've been a single mom for 18 years. Even married I was a single mom. Don't worry this isn't a woe is me post but it could be.

Being a single mom sucks but sometimes it has it's advantages. I don't have to worry about someone under minding my athoriti. What I say goes. For the most part. I have the last word. Or I did until the teen decided that he wanted to see how far he could push mom voice his opinion.

But on the other hand it sucks. I just can't run to the store. I don't have that extra mouth, set of hands or whatever to help around the house.

First thing you're thinking is 'but you have a teenager'. When you get a teen, let me know how that works out. KTHX

So moving on. When I got laid off in May, getting a job was the hardest thing. I looked for hours on end, sent out countless resumes and spent all the time I could looking for a job. Thank heavens I had the help of my parents so I didn't have to pack up and run home with my tail tucked.

I decided that I was going to start the design site but like everything you start up, right now it's just paying for itself. I know it takes time but seriously, what happened to the dream of over-night success?

When I took the pictures of the Chris Cagle concert, I was given the opportunity to make some extra money taking pictures for The Round Up. Great but what this meant was me being out until 3am, paying a babysitter and dealing with the lack of sleep come the next morning. Bah, whatever, I can do this. The money was good enough that I would still make some after paying a sitter.

So why is it that I get shit from people because I'm trying to provide for my kids? Funny how, here I am busting my ass so my parents don't have to help me anymore and I get the looks like "oh, you're going to the bar" or "you're going out again?". If I was headed to a street corner selling crack, hey give me all the shit you want. I pay for a babysitter, I'm not earning the Mother of the Year award here but I am trying to provide for my kids.

I could go on and on but I think you get the drift, right? The next time a married, mother/father duo, or whatever tells me that I'm not doing what's right for my kids, or tells me how hard they have it...shove it.

Step into my shoes for a while and see how much you like being married or having that extra set of hands around.

The man of both of our dreams

December is just full of holidays, birthdays and anniversaries in our family. But today is really the day that made me the happiest.

Eighteen years ago my mom married the man of both of our dreams.

My parents divorced when I was about 3. I went from my mom's, to my dad's (which probably scarred me for life - remind me to thank him later for that), back to my mom's and then it all happened. A blind date that has now been twenty years later.

My step dad swept her off her feet. He treated her how she needed to be treated. He treated me like a daughter. Through the highs, the lows, the pregnancy that brought his first grandson into the world, the trials that I would force upon the both of them (I was so not a perfect child) and nothing stopped him from wanting to be my mom's husband, my father and a grandpa.

My mom needed someone that was going to treat her how she needed to be treated, to love her, honor her and cherish her. She found that in my dad.

He's never once yelled at me, just let me know that we will all get through it.

He's never once raised his voice to me, just kindly told me how much of an idiot I'd been.

He's always told me how much he's loved all of us.

He married a mother/daughter duo that would make most men run for the hills. He took on a wife and a not-so-perfect teenager. Here we are eighteen years later and memories to last a life time. I'll never forget at their reception when he said something perfect..."On this day I gained a wife, a daughter, a grandchild and went broke."

I love the both of you with all my heart.

Happy anniversary to my parents